


Human Stuff

by badseb



Series: The story of Dean (and Castiel) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker Life, Burritos, Confused Castiel, Forgiveness makes everything wonderful, Happy Dean, Human Castiel, Human Castiel in the Bunker, Hungry Cassy, Hurt Castiel, Ironing with beer, M/M, Sam and Balthazar are in love and they are awesome, Sick Castiel, human!Cass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badseb/pseuds/badseb
Summary: Cass and Dean's relationship is slowly coming back together, though it's gonna be different than it used to be. Likely because Cass is Human now, and that comes with some interesting side-effects.





	1. 1

Healing the slow way was strange. He was also dealing with new urges, new hungers, new physical reactions. It was amazing- here he was, experiencing life in a completely different way than he had ever imagined. It was intense, eye-opening, even...majestic. Yes, there was a certain majesty about being Human, Castiel decided. A certain sublime understanding of the universe that couldn't be understood by more complicated beings.

Dean was crouched beside him as he threw up in the toilet.

"You'll get it, buddy. But usually if someone says it's not good to eat something, they mean it." Dean said with a laugh. Cass wiped his face weakly.

"Noted." He said before the second bout came up his throat, burning all the way. When it was over he slouched against the tub.

"I don't know how you do it. It's like there is a war inside your body at all times, fighting for energy, for homeostasis." 

"Homeostasis?" 

"I read it on the internet. I thought Angels were strong- but no. We are very weak, for the things we have to face are far less intense than what Humans have to face. It is as if you are in constant struggle. Everything hurts." 

"Yeah, you'll get used to it." Dean laughed.

"I'm hungry." Cass said. Dean looked as if he might be sick. But he made him some burritos and Cass ate them happily, as if he hadn't just thrown up.

He did grow more used to his Humanly symptoms. He also grew stronger. Balthazar helped there- after he recharged a little he was able to heal Cass's neck and arm. Aside from a few bruises and being a few pounds underweight, Cass was almost up to snuff. The worst was his stomach around Dean. For some reason, it hurt when Dean was around. But it didn't hurt in a bad way. It was confusing.

He was used to being sexual with Dean. He was used to feeling love, to being in love, to the excitement of being with someone and close to someone. He was used to the way Dean made him feel, warm and loved and hungry. But never before had that hunger hurt. Now it pitted in his gut, burning a hole in him. He needed to be close to Dean and he needed to be close to him at all times.

But he was good at controlling himself. It's what he'd been doing for most of his life. He was a soldier, after all. He kept an appropriate distance.

It was hard, but Cass was ancient and wise. He wouldn't let this get the best of him. 

~~~~

Dean felt happy. Happier than he had in a long, long time. As soon as he had forgiven Cass, it was like the whole past melted away. Everything was new and hopeful and beautiful.

"Got another pack of Vamps," said Sam, looking up from his computer.

"What?"

"It's okay. Balthazar and I can take it. You stay here. Make sure Cass is okay." Said Sam. 

Dean was conflicted. He hated staying behind- it went against every fiber of his being. But he wasn't about to leave Cass. And if Sam was going to go with someone, an Angel who could heal him was the best choice. Right after him, of course. 

But something inside him also wanted to stay with Cass. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to take care of his broken Angel until he was well again.

"You sure you two got this?" He asked. 

"Perfectly," said Balthazar with a grin.

"If you need me- if anything happens, anything at all-"

"We'll call you." Said Sam. patting Dean on the shoulder. "It's okay. Take care of Cass." He said softly. Dean nodded and watched them go.

He felt Cass's eyes on the back of his head.

"Wha-" he started, turning around- but Cass's expression stopped him.

He'd just come through the doorway, and had a hand on the frame. His face was an expression of pain and hunger and confusion- but he wiped it off as soon as Dean turned, and put on an over-acted smile.

"Where's everyone going?" he asked.

"Cass are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just a little hungry."

"Damn, Cass. Didn't you just eat a box of donuts?" Dean asked. Cass nodded.

"This hunger...is a different sort, Dean. I've been wanting to talk about it."

"Uh-oh." Said Dean with a laugh. "You're not gonna start eating nothing but leaves like Sam, are you?" He asked. Cass looked upset.

"Okay okay." Dean said, sitting down. "Talk to me, buddy."

Cass sat down carefully and thought for a moment.

"It's a strange hunger. It resides in the pit of my stomach. But it's not for food, or eating. It-" he hesitated again.

"It what?" Dean asked kindly.

Cass looked away. "Never mind." he said. Dean squinted.

~~~~

"Cass. Talk to me. What's eatin' you?"

"Nothing is eating me, Dean." Cass replied, not giving much thought to the fact that Dean thought he was being eaten alive. This was a bad idea. He shouldn't have started telling Dean. But he felt responsible for the way this hunger made him feel, for the way it made him act around Dean.

"Okay. Well, if you think of the words, call me. I've gotta go do laundry." He said, smiling and leaving the room.

The words. How could he say it?  
What was appropriate?

He'd lusted for Dean before. He'd initiated sex with Dean before. This was something else. It was like he was starving for intimacy of any kind. He wanted to kiss him and never stop kissing him. And this time the further Dean got from him the more it hurt. He'd never felt so...needy before. Needy for any kind of contact.   
His love for Dean used to be something he could understand. Not necessarily something he could control, but something that didn't control him. He could be away from Dean for days without it hurting like this. Now it hurt to be just in another room. 

He went down to the room where the washing machine was. Dean was ironing and humming enthusiastically. Cass recognized the tune of 'Smoke on the Water'. Dean usually hummed it when he was happy. That was good. 

He didn't notice Cass at first. Cass didn't say anything. He wanted to fill his eyes with Dean. He was so pretty, dancing happily to his own music. 

"Jesus Cass!" Dean said, jumping. "You can't do that. It's creepy." He said.

"I'm sorry," said Cass, not sure what Dean meant by 'that'.

"Why do you keep shadowing me, man? What's wrong?" He asked.

"I just...I enjoy being close to you." He said. The faintest of smiles crept onto Dean's face and he tossed a shirt to Cass.

"Then help a brother out. Put that on a hanger." He said. He sprinkled some of his beer on the shirt he was ironing.

"Does that help?" Cass asked. Perhaps there was some chemical component in the beer that reacted with the heat to better relax the fibers of the shirt. It made sense. Perhaps it was the same component that relaxed the Humans that drank it. Humans were fibery.

"What?" Asked Dean.

"The beer. Sam taught me differently." 

"Sam taught you how to iron?" Dean asked incredulously. 

"Yes." Said Cass, afraid of Dean's tone. "It wasn't sexual." He added hurriedly.

Dean spat out the beer he had in his mouth. Cass looked awkwardly at the wall.

Dean was struggling. A few tears pushed their way out of his eyes.

"Are you alright Dean?" Cass asked. 

"Yeah I'm fine," Dean said, clearly not. He snorted and his face was being taken over by a huge smile. Cass looked around. He felt ashamed. Ashamed of his ability to communicate. For some reason his honesty and way of phrasing things made Dean think he was...like a child. It didn't help that he already felt terrible around Dean.

"I forgot, there's something I must be doing." Said Cass, and he left quickly.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cass takes some brotherly advice

Castiel sat in the dark kitchen, thinking. He heard the bunker door open and jumped- but it was just Sam and Balthazar. They both looked tired. Sam had a large gash on his arm and Balthazar was very weak. Cass rose and went to them.

"Where have you been?" He asked, concerned. He eyed Sam's wound. Being Human made him think more of the things the Winchesters (and all Humans, for that matter) did, now that he knew the cost. He could read and relate to expressions of pain before, but he only now understood the fear associated with it for those who had no Grace with which to heal themselves. But Sam was very strong.

"Vampires." said Balthazar with a grin. Cass regarded their state. It would have taken Balthazar not but a second to take out a nest of Vampires, and Sam wouldn't have gotten hurt. And Balthazar would have healed him if he did. And-

"Stop with the computing face, Cassie. It's okay." Said Balthazar with a smile. Sam looked around nervously.

"Where's Dean?" He asked.

"Ironing. Shall I get him?"

"No! No- it's fine." Said Sam with a smile as if to assure Cass he wasn't hurt, grabbing the first aid kit. Balthazar helped tend to his arm.

"Why are you drained?" Asked Cass.

"Mass healings tend to do that, love." Replied Balthazar. Sam smiled. 

"You healed all of those Vampires?" asked Castiel. It made sense now.

"Yup!" Said Sam. "But look- please don't tell Dean. He doesn't get stuff like this. And besides..."

"Besides what?"

"If he found out that I was using all of my powers to heal Vamps and hadn't enough to heal Sam's arm he'd loose it." Said Balthazar. "He tends to forget that we're adults and make our own decisions." He added, gently cleaning Sam's wound. 

Cass watched. He understood better where Dean was coming from now- Sam's arm must hurt terribly. But at the same time, Balthazar was right. Sam was an adult. He was making his own decisions. 

"Yes. I have experienced this." He said softly. Balthazar finished with Sam's bandages.

"But I'll be up at full power again after I sleep and I'll heal Sam." Balthazar said when Cass seemed blank. Cass just nodded.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower." Said Sam.

"Alright. Be gentle with that arm." Said Balthazar with a grin. When Sam left the Angel sat down beside his Human brother.

"How is it going?" Asked Balthazar knowingly.

"Being Human or my relationship with Dean?" Cass asked.

"I've the strangest feeling that the two are intertwined." Said Balthazar, pouring two glasses of wine. Cass looked at it reluctantly.

"It doesn't taste the same as it used to." He said sadly.

"Dean?" Asked Balthazar.

"No. Wine."

"Oh. Yes, I see." He said, and hesitated. 

"The flavor is good but it burns. And it affects me now, much much more than it ever had." Cass said, taking a big swig.

"Darling," said Balthazar, "do you want to talk about what's really eating you?"

"Why do people keep saying this? Nothing's eating me." Said Cass, frowning at the wall before him. Balthazar was about to say something when Dean came into the room.

"Oh," He said, seeing Balthazar.

"It's fine, I can go." He said.

"No!" Said Dean and Cass at the same time. Balthazar raised his brow and took a sip of wine.

"Where's Sammy?" Asked Dean.

"Shower." Replied Balthazar. "Would you like some wine?"

"Nah, thanks." Said Dean, cracking open a beer. He took a sip and everyone sat in silence for a moment. Then Dean looked around, nodded, and left.

"He loves me." Said Cass softly when he was gone. "He said so last night. I don't understand why I am so apprehensive. I don't understand why my hands start shaking. There is nothing physical to cause these things."

Balthazar smiled a little, sadly, at his brother. Though he had never been Human himself, Balthazar had spent most of his life deeply wedged in the world of these creatures. He knew their workings well. Their version of telepathy was physical. They could touch each other from across a room- they could hear each others heartbeats, smell each others emotions, be physically affected by someone who wasn't even there. All subconscious, but amazing just the same. 

"It'll get better. You just need more time with him." He said, resting a gentle hand on Cass's shoulder.

"How can I do that? He doesn't think well of me. He thinks-" Balthazar stopped him with a finger to his lips.

"That's just anxiety." He said softly. "You said yourself he loves you. If he does think ill of you, you talk it out. You see darling? Either way, time is all that will change it." He said. Suddenly his face changed and he grinned a little. Castiel recognized the face of an Angel receiving a prayer, and he was sure it was Sam, judging by his brother's smile. But he looked at Cass with concern.

"Don't let him make you second guess yourself, Cassie. You're good and beautiful and powerful. Go to him and show him." He said. Cass knew he was trying to keep his attention on him despite the prayer. He smiled a bit at Balthazar's concerned face.

"Thank you for the advice, Balthazar." He said. "I will talk to him. But you'd best not leave Sam hanging." He said with a grin. Balthazar smiled and kissed his cheek before running off to his lover. 

Cass finished his wine. He kind of liked the feeling of its affects. It was calming. He realized, though, that if he drank much more he just got depressed. He put the glasses in the sink and went to Dean's room, knocking softly on the door. Dean opened it.

"Oh hey," he said, smiling. "Come on in." He said, walking away from the open door. Cass entered the room and looked around. 

"About what I said earlier- I just didn't want you to think that it was something that it wasn't." Said Cass. Dean smiled.

"I know it wasn't like that man, it's cool." He said. "Although now I have the mental image of teaching someone how to iron, sexually. Man." He said, shaking his head and putting down his beer.

"It could happen." Said Cass.

"Hell yeah it could." Said Dean, sitting back down at his desk to finish cleaning his guns. Cass looked at him. Suddenly, it was starting to make sense. Dean mocked him because of how his father treated people like him, people like Dean. He could see it in the way Dean moved- guarded, small, as if he was afraid to let himself just be himself. He moved like that all the time when Cass first met him. But then after they had fallen in love he started to seem happier, more relaxed, not so afraid of taking up space. Now it was all back again. Cass knew, now, that it was the voice in Dean's head that was tormenting him.  
He sat down on the edge of Dean's desk and watched him work. 

"Dude that's a little creepy." Said Dean, glancing up at him.

"I am watching you from On High." Said Cass with a grin. Dean laughed and took a swig. 

"Dean- I know it is your father's voice that holds you back. I know it is your father's voice that mocks me, that even tells you you should hurt me. But I want you to know that you are stronger than that. Better than that." Cass said. Dean froze. Slowly, he put his beer back down, his head heavy.

"How do you know that?" He asked very softly.

"Because I've seen you, Dean. I've been with you. I know you- probably better than your father did." He said. Dean looked angry.

"I don't want to tell you that you have to let him go. But...I think he is haunting you in a way that is even more dangerous than anything you've hunted." He said. Dean was very quiet. 

"I know you're afraid. But you have to trust yourself." Cass said softly. Dean remained silent. Cass knew Dean didn't like to talk about things- as if his only defense was pretending he was never hurt. But he knew that saying it was the only way that would help him understand. That and time, as Balthazar said. Now Dean needed time to trust himself. 

Cass moved to go, but Dean stopped him with his hand on his knee. 

"I know." He said. "I know it's Dad, I know it's his voice. I've been doing all I can to try to stop...to stop him from hurting you." He said. 

"You are in charge of your actions. I know you won't hurt me." 

"I..." he started, but he swallowed and nodded. 

"Please Dean, trust yourself." Said Cass, reaching out to gently touch his cheek. "I miss you." He added, softly. Balthazar was right. His hands weren't shaking. He felt brave and warm and stronger than ever. Something behind Dean's face changed and he covered Cass's hand with his own. 

"I miss you too, Cass." He said. Cass grinned. 

"I'll always be here Dean. You know how to call me." He said matter-of-fact-ly. 

"How do I say that I'm sorry for my Dad's voice?" Dean asked. Cass frowned.

"You needn't ever apologize for that, Dean." Cass said. He watched Dean's face change from frightened to relieved. Cass leaned in and gently kissed his forehead. But Dean stood and wrapped his arms around the Human-Angel and kissed him. 

For the first time since before...everything went wrong, Cass felt calm. He felt calm and loved and right. Dean's arms were tight around him and he buried his head in Cass's neck. Everything was good again. Dean pulled him closer and Cass wrapped his legs around his waist, guiding his head back up for a kiss.


End file.
